May 23, 2008

Why~

A few days ago I received a comment from a sweet lady that I meet here on line. Her comment read, "I'd love to know more about how you decided to adopt Bella". Well as brief as I can be, here it is ~


Vito and I learned pretty early on in our marriage that children were not going to be ours biologically. At first I have to admit that this news rocked me to my core. I could not comprehend the 'whys' that swirled in my head. 'Whys' such as: I knew we were meant to be parents, so why is this happening? We would bring up our child in a Christian home, why are we not blessed? Seeing young girls that didn't seem ready to be a mom, asking why are they more capable? Why? Why? Why? After the whys stopped and the pain began to fade. We began to consider adoption.


With no real clue as to where to begin. We asked our family and close friends to pray for us as we embarked down a new path in an effort to become parents. We began asking questions of people who had adopted, we made a few phone calls and set up appointments with agencies. Then out of the blue it seemed as if our prayers were being answered. My sister called and told me that the daughter of a family friend, had just given birth and she was not going to be able to keep the child.


Immediately we began moving forward to adopted this little one. We expressed our great desire to be this child's parents, the birth mother said yes, she informed the agency that she had placed the child with and we filled out the paper work. We were on our way. All the while amazed at how seemingly painless it was going to be.



After weeks of moving forward we hit a major road block. The birth father had not signed the adoption paper work. He was in prison awaiting sentencing for a drug charge. The agency appealed to him to sign, he agree, then days later he refused. It felt as if he was toying with us. All the while we were riding a roller coaster of emotions and beginning to realize that we did not want this man to be a part of our lives from here on out. There were many red flags that we waived down and continue on in our pursuit of this child. After weeks of the birth father going back and forth we made the painful decision to walked away. We were heartbroken. As I laid in Vito's arms sobbing I said to him "I am never going to try to adopt again" and with all my heart I meant it.


But God had a different plan for our lives. Four years later, we were sitting in an auditorium with thousand of other couples at a Weekend to Remember seminar in Orlando. There Steven Curtis Chapman and Mary Beth Chapman spoke about their call to adopted their daughter. They shared from their heart, they shared their love and God's love for orphans. I was broken, the wall that I had built around my heart regarding adoption was broken and the flood gate of emotions (past and present) opened. How God did it? I may never know but I am forever thankful that He opened my heart that day to His plan for us.


Driving home from the seminar Vito and I were in shock. There is truly no other way to describe what we were feeling. In fact we got lost twice trying to get home. We were scared, worried, confused, but at total peace. We did not know where our child would be from but we were opened to take God's hand and follow His will.


We did a lot of research on countries and on agencies. At times we were unsure as to which way to move. We faced some obstacles but we continued to seek His will. An agency was recommended to us and we liked everything that we had read and heard about them. We were considering all countries but were leaning towards Russia. We took it as a good sign that this recommended agency worked in that Country. We were all set to give them a call and begin our process when one evening Vito said I don't think this is what we are suppose to do.


Friends, I have to tell you at that moment it felt as if my heart was going to break again. I knew that I could not have opened myself up to adoption only to have it fall apart but I needed Vito to clarify what he was thinking. As we talked he told me that he had been feeling unsure about Russia. Which was kind of ironic since he was the one that was pushing for this country.


That weekend we spent a lot of time talking, researching and praying. Saturday night we went out and stopped by Barnes and Nobles to pick up some book one that I had been wanting, one of which was the Lost Daughter's of China. As I read this book and shared bits of it with Vito the doubts of where to go were gone, the searching was no longer necessary, without any hesitation we knew our baby girl was in China.


In composing this post and searching for the words to express the deepest hurts of my heart as well as the greatest joy of my life, I am humbled. Humbled by grace that all the prayers I prayed were not answered in my way but in His. Humbled that I was being prepared to be this precious little girls mother. Humbled by means that God took to prepare my heart for this journey. Humbled that Bella is my chosen child. How very blessed I am.





25 comments:

Nicole May 23, 2008 at 12:57 PM  

How very, very blessed you are indeed! I, too, get envious of friends and family, and even those too-young women who so very easily give birth. However, I lean on the rock of Salvation that is my Father and know He has my future all planned out. Whether I like it or not.

I will have to try and get my hands on a copy of that book. I will pray for my son or daughter, wherever he or she is (or will be). I will try to be patient and wait. Wait for the Lord. After all, what else is there to do?

Ladyblog May 23, 2008 at 1:33 PM  

I just saw your comment on my blog and I was so happy to find yours! We are in FL too, near Tampa. Your daughter is beautiful. I loved reading about how God changed yoru heart. Boy, we are so blessed aren't we?
~Rebecca

Amanda May 23, 2008 at 5:01 PM  

what a blessed story!! It never fails to amaze me how God brings all the details together in His perfect timing in only His perfect way... PRAISE HIM!!

Debbie May 23, 2008 at 5:47 PM  

What an awesome post of how you became a mommy!!! Your are blessed and your daughter is gorgeous!!

Debbie

Briana's Mom May 23, 2008 at 6:12 PM  

What a beautiful post! You are so blessed!

The Byrd Family May 23, 2008 at 7:27 PM  

What a beautiful story. God is so good.

a Tonggu Momma May 23, 2008 at 8:10 PM  

What an absolutely gorgeous story! And isn't it amazing how the Chapmans have touched so many people? I love the last photo as well. Truly beautiful.

Sharie May 23, 2008 at 8:23 PM  

What a beautiful story. God really does move us in mysterious ways.

Nicole May 23, 2008 at 8:55 PM  

My email address is on my profile if you ever feel like you want to send an email my way.

mommy24treasures May 23, 2008 at 9:49 PM  

oh beautiful! thank you for sharing that! I love to hear others stories of their amazing journey to forever family...

Rebecca May 23, 2008 at 10:22 PM  

What a sweet story... TOTALLY God... I love hearing how He brings different people to that point in their lives. I am sure that you look at that precious little girl and thank God that He opened your heart again - as painful as that process was!!!

I'm glad to have found your blog (thanks for your comment on mine!) - I will be stopping in to check in on you all. :) Hope the quiche turns out well!!

Rebecca

Dewey & Stacey May 23, 2008 at 11:09 PM  

What an amazing story, and what a blessed life you have. After adopting two children I still get tears in my eyes when I read the stories of others. It amazes me the plans god has to bring these children into our lives.
Have a wonderful weekend

Stacey

mah-meeee May 24, 2008 at 10:14 AM  

beautiful post! it truly is a blessing that bella is in your lives.

thanks for stopping by my blog... i will be back for more!

Michelle@Life with Three May 24, 2008 at 2:44 PM  

This was beautifully written -- and a joy to read. It reminds me that God is faithful. Always. Thanks for sharing your adoption journey (and for stopping by my blog to say "hello!"). I look forward to reading more!

Michelle May 24, 2008 at 5:43 PM  

Beautiful story. I just love hearing how God's plan unfolds for other families.

mamamia May 24, 2008 at 10:42 PM  

Krista,

You have always been a mother---God just was waiting for your baby to be born...

Love ya,
Micha

Hopingforsix May 24, 2008 at 11:01 PM  

Thank you for your comment on my blog. Each day I wonder how I became so lucky to be so blessed. What a beautiful post this is--thanks for sharing your heart. She is beautiful!

EllieNat May 25, 2008 at 4:53 PM  

I love hearing how others came to find their children. Thank you for sharing your sweet story.

sara May 25, 2008 at 9:52 PM  

Oh sweet friend; the look on your face when you were handed Bella shows that God took your pain back from you!! it is ok to wonder WHAT God is doing sometimes and it is amazing to live in the fruit of His Will. I am so happy to see Bella in your arms, where you all belong.....

Dianne May 26, 2008 at 2:06 AM  

Thanks for your thoughftul comment, happy to find your blog. What a beautiful adoption story, all the heartache you must of faced, then the blessings. It's neat to hear the Chapman family had an influence in your adoption, thanks for sharing.

Rony May 26, 2008 at 5:47 PM  

Thank you for stopping by my blog. I love your header picture. We're from south Florida. (south east) Made me homesick for home..Just returned from a weekend in the Shennandoah Mountains, VA with dh's dad and his family. Tooo fun!

Rony

Diana May 27, 2008 at 4:32 PM  

Very beautiful story..I have ALWAYS said the reason we did not "get" pregnant is because our 2 boys were in Korea:)
The Chapmans made many couples into Families.

Alyson & Ford May 27, 2008 at 4:44 PM  

We love reading these stories - your's is so wonderful! Full of love for your family. Thanks for visiting our blog.

Alyson LID 01/27/06 - 28 months and counting.
NaCommLeavMo

Donna May 27, 2008 at 5:22 PM  

Thanks for sharing your beautiful story!

Ronda June 1, 2008 at 3:03 AM  

Your daughter is beautiful and your writing is touching. I always enjoy knowing how parents arrive at their decision to adopt from China-your story was sweet.

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